Just a wag, but have you done the motor/trans mounts? My '99 was getting worse, unrelated I noticed that my mounts were toast so I changed them out. The shifting between gears was noticeably better (especially in low range, smooth now). The engine/trans was torqueing on the mounts making it seem like the trans was shifting hard. With that many miles/years it could be transmission, but check your mounts.
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