[Jerry All-Bran]

saw my gf's grandfather cooking naked with his wife(clothed).

Wasn't so much seeing him naked as was the eating of the food he made that day.

EDIT I got one not intended to be funny. ..

During my advanced dhingy sailing course, I was given a "weaker" sailer. He started off as crew while I skip'd, and when it came time to deploy the spinneker, he fussed up and got everything tangled. He was worse off than I thought, not thinking to remind him to organize everything in advance in preperation for downwind sailing. Anyhoo, I tell him to take control while I untangle all the lines and reset the spinneker and stay the downwind course. As I was untangling, I had lines everywhere beucase the wind really really really tangled everything. The guy I was with loses control because he started panicing b/c the wind picked up. Part of downwind sailing is disengaging the the daggerboard in the dhingy. I didn't bother putting up thinking he can handle it. The guy made really abrupt maneuvers and w/ the daggerboard out, the boat can capsize really easily (its on a 12ft Pirate - think racing boat). So w/ the massive waves, 20+ knot wind, and one final abrupt attempt of the skipper to correct his course, the boat capsizes faster than I thought possible and within seconds, it turtles (totally upside down). I didn't even have a thinking chance to get out, so much as untangle myself in the mass of lines thrown at me, my legs, arms, head. I was underneath the water, w/o a single gasp of air and tangled to the nth degree. To make matters worse, I had a PFD which was counteracting the tension of the lines. Lines were holding me, PFD wanted to go up. I tried to find my line cutter, but it must have fallen off my boot in the violent crash like turtle. I tried wiggling out, and I started to panic. The boat was tossing up above because of the waves and me w/ it. Tangling me even more. I thought that was it. But then all of a sudden, I just stopped panicing, telling myself that I continue, its gonna end one way. As progress was showing, I thought it was too late. I was drinkiing water, what felt to be like by the gallons. I was gasping for air, just choking. A black haze started forming around my eyes, to the extent of what seemed like i was looking through a pinhole. Then all of a sudden, I was loose, and the PFD shot me up like a bullet. I smacked my head against the gunnel, and up inside the cockpit of the overturned boat. I was coughing out water and managed to focus on staying concious. I swam out to my freaked out partner, and an armada of speed boats b/c apperantly my partner was blowing away his whistle like a madman. After reassuring the speedboats, I was fine, we recovered the the dhingy and sailed on back to the docks.

I later found out that all the dhingy's were called back way before we even started sailing down wind, because the Pirates were not designed for that type of extreme weather.

Apperantly, the time from capsize to the time i resurfaced, was about 5 minutes. Three of those I know were under water.

Funny, even though this happened like 5 years ago, I feel now like I did when I was under the water. I actually feel like i'm choking and am coughing as if i need air as i type this.

I got lucky, but I like to think someone is looking over me.

My drowning experience.

[CoriolisSTORM]

Originally Posted by TJ Tex

I spent 3 days with my eyes swelled shut from electrical flash burns. The good thing is that the burns to my eyes healed, my vision improved to 20/20 from 20/50.

My oldest son had meningitis when he was 18 months old. We spent 9 days in the hospital giving him antibiotics. He's 13 now and fine.

Arc flash? That's one of the biggest hazards they always remind us about at work. From the looks of 'em its awful.

[grymsr]

this nun came up to me in a parking lot and asked me if I wanted to have a good time

[ByrdMan31]

Originally Posted by grymsr

this nun came up to me in a parking lot and asked me if I wanted to have a good time

what was your answer

[tcourdin]

Originally Posted by ByrdMan31

what was your answer

I bet he wheeled it.

[Awshux]

Originally Posted by Akula47

My drowning experience.

Wow, I've always thought drowning would be a crappy way to go, and you just confirmed it!

[Pantophobia]

I've got a couple.

Riding around with my friend Mike one night, we came around this corner and I looked over and saw this guy walking down the side of the road. As the headlights washed over him I saw he was coverd in blood. As we passed he looked me straight in the eyes. He had the most frightening look I have ever seen, it was almost as if he knew me and was coming after me. I know we pssed by pretty quick, but that look made it seem like forever.

In high school, I was riding around with one of my lesser intelligent friends. Apparently my IQ was off a few points that night as well, because I was in the back of his truck. I remeber this big bump and hitting my head on the back window. Next thing I know I am looking up at the side of his truck. EMTs come over and check me out, I'm okay. Sore, but no real damage. Find out my friend was chasing down some girl he knew and ran through a red light, as in already red, not changing, and got hit by an Explorer. A few days later he shows me the pics of his truck and I realize how lucky I was. The Explorer essentially hit me.

Had surgery once. They told my parents I didn't make it. Doctor tried one last time and I came back. My dad was on the phone with the youth director of my church talking about my funeral when the nurse found him to tell him that I did make it.

[NEWtoTHEjeepLIF]

Originally Posted by Pantophobia

I've got a couple.

Riding around with my friend Mike one night, we came around this corner and I looked over and saw this guy walking down the side of the road. As the headlights washed over him I saw he was coverd in blood. As we passed he looked me straight in the eyes. He had the most frightening look I have ever seen, it was almost as if he knew me and was coming after me. I know we pssed by pretty quick, but that look made it seem like forever.

In high school, I was riding around with one of my lesser intelligent friends. Apparently my IQ was off a few points that night as well, because I was in the back of his truck. I remeber this big bump and hitting my head on the back window. Next thing I know I am looking up at the side of his truck. EMTs come over and check me out, I'm okay. Sore, but no real damage. Find out my friend was chasing down some girl he knew and ran through a red light, as in already red, not changing, and got hit by an Explorer. A few days later he shows me the pics of his truck and I realize how lucky I was. The Explorer essentially hit me.

Had surgery once. They told my parents I didn't make it. Doctor tried one last time and I came back. My dad was on the phone with the youth director of my church talking about my funeral when the nurse found him to tell him that I did make it.

First story.... did you just drive past? No help? Are you a jeeper?

Second story..... Ha!

Third..... (Man I wish there was a BS flag)

[tcestes]

Originally Posted by NEWtoTHEjeepLIF

Third..... (Man I wish there was a BS flag)

Ask and ye shall receive...

[Pantophobia]

Its true. Open heart surgery at the age of 18. I have the zipper scar and the thorocotomy scar to prove it.

[tcestes]

Originally Posted by Akula47

saw my gf's grandfather cooking naked with his wife(clothed).

Wasn't so much seeing him naked as was the eating of the food he made that day.

EDIT I got one not intended to be funny. ..

During my advanced dhingy sailing course, I was given a "weaker" sailer. He started off as crew while I skip'd, and when it came time to deploy the spinneker, he fussed up and got everything tangled. He was worse off than I thought, not thinking to remind him to organize everything in advance in preperation for downwind sailing. Anyhoo, I tell him to take control while I untangle all the lines and reset the spinneker and stay the downwind course. As I was untangling, I had lines everywhere beucase the wind really really really tangled everything. The guy I was with loses control because he started panicing b/c the wind picked up. Part of downwind sailing is disengaging the the daggerboard in the dhingy. I didn't bother putting up thinking he can handle it. The guy made really abrupt maneuvers and w/ the daggerboard out, the boat can capsize really easily (its on a 12ft Pirate - think racing boat). So w/ the massive waves, 20+ knot wind, and one final abrupt attempt of the skipper to correct his course, the boat capsizes faster than I thought possible and within seconds, it turtles (totally upside down). I didn't even have a thinking chance to get out, so much as untangle myself in the mass of lines thrown at me, my legs, arms, head. I was underneath the water, w/o a single gasp of air and tangled to the nth degree. To make matters worse, I had a PFD which was counteracting the tension of the lines. Lines were holding me, PFD wanted to go up. I tried to find my line cutter, but it must have fallen off my boot in the violent crash like turtle. I tried wiggling out, and I started to panic. The boat was tossing up above because of the waves and me w/ it. Tangling me even more. I thought that was it. But then all of a sudden, I just stopped panicing, telling myself that I continue, its gonna end one way. As progress was showing, I thought it was too late. I was drinkiing water, what felt to be like by the gallons. I was gasping for air, just choking. A black haze started forming around my eyes, to the extent of what seemed like i was looking through a pinhole. Then all of a sudden, I was loose, and the PFD shot me up like a bullet. I smacked my head against the gunnel, and up inside the cockpit of the overturned boat. I was coughing out water and managed to focus on staying concious. I swam out to my freaked out partner, and an armada of speed boats b/c apperantly my partner was blowing away his whistle like a madman. After reassuring the speedboats, I was fine, we recovered the the dhingy and sailed on back to the docks.

I later found out that all the dhingy's were called back way before we even started sailing down wind, because the Pirates were not designed for that type of extreme weather.

Apperantly, the time from capsize to the time i resurfaced, was about 5 minutes. Three of those I know were under water.

Funny, even though this happened like 5 years ago, I feel now like I did when I was under the water. I actually feel like i'm choking and am coughing as if i need air as i type this.

I got lucky, but I like to think someone is looking over me.

My drowning experience.

Uh...man. That's freaky!

[jzmtl]

Does getting cornered by a mad bull while I was 8 count?

[NEWtoTHEjeepLIF]

Originally Posted by Pantophobia

Its true. Open heart surgery at the age of 18. I have the zipper scar and the thorocotomy scar to prove it.

Pics or Ban

I just find it hard to believe they told the parents that their kid was dead, before he was dead.

[Pantophobia]

Didn't say I was dead. Said I wasn't going to make it.

[ByrdMan31]

Originally Posted by tcourdin

I bet he wheeled it.