[tlgraham]

Yup. 20 years old. Hooked up with this chick on a church trip 4 years ago. Ran into her about a month or so ago, we hit it off again. One thing leads to another and one accident later I'm going to be a daddy. She lives about an hour and a half away; with her parents. I'm still in school for at least another year. Her parents don't know yet. No idea what I'm going to do now.

[vans9140]

is the chick awesome? You sound like you really like her, despite the situation.

[Ski01xj]

Do the right thing for the kid!

[_Yeti_]

Congrats! I know this wasn't planned, and it won't be easy.. but you have a choice. You will either be miserable and be a horrible father, or make the best out of it and be happy. For that reason, congratulations and I wish you the best.

[10achik]

Originally Posted by tlgraham

Yup. 20 years old. Hooked up with this chick on a church trip 4 years ago. Ran into her about a month or so ago, we hit it off again. One thing leads to another and one accident later I'm going to be a daddy. She lives about an hour and a half away; with her parents. I'm still in school for at least another year. Her parents don't know yet. No idea what I'm going to do now.

I had a one year old son at your age and was already married for two years. What is there to think about? Finish school, get a good job, raise your kid

I guess there is the question of what to do about the chick, my suggestion is to talk to her and see where she's at in the relationship, you don't have to get married, but IMO not being in the kids life isn't an option...Just my opinion.

[Mean Max]

Originally Posted by _Yeti_

Congrats! I know this wasn't planned, and it won't be easy.. but you have a choice. You will either be miserable and be a horrible father, or make the best out of it and be happy. For that reason, congratulations and I wish you the best.

Ditto!

I wrote this in a thread that had a similar scenario.....

Okay, the old fat guy will weigh in on this one. A bit of my background, I joined the USMC 2 days after I turned 17, I was married at 20, and became a Dad (a son) at 21 and again (a daughter) at 24. My first marraige sucked because of me. I hated being married & being a Dad. Consequently, my 2 children had fairly lackluster childhoods, again because of me. Fast forward almost 20 years later to 2004, I finally divorced her & found a new woman. She had 3 kids, a daughter & a son, both grown & older than my 2 from my first wife, and an 11 year old son whose sperm donor had never been a part of his life. He & I are as close as any Father & son by blood relation, and he is a great son, and the older ones are really great too. My new wife & I had a baby daughter together (planned) in 2006, and another daughter (not as well-planned) in September of this year. My 2 children from previous & I have been working on improving our relationship with each other, and I love them dearly. So between us we have 7 children that are "hers, mine, and ours" and their ages range from 25 to 2-1/2 months old. Is it a lot of work? YES! Does it prevent us from having more disposable income, and the ability to focus on ourselves? YES! With it all being said & done, is it worth it? WITHOUT A DOUBT! I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT! The only thing I'd change is how I acted towards my 2 children I had the first time around.

Here's my words to you. I can tell you that the worst things in life are regrets. You can never "un-ring the bell" afterwards. Stop focusing on YOU! I learned the hard way that there is nothing better in this world than having the opportunity to be a positive force in the life of your child, with no exceptions. I can also tell you that there is nothing worse in this world than finding out, after you've thrown away quite a few calendars, that you wasted the opportunity to be that positive force in the life of your child.

Young Man, you have already embarked on the most important mission in the history of humankind, being a Father. Do not waste it, or take it for granted! When your flesh & blood finally arrives in this world, and you look into those innocent eyes of this most tender child, you will have a decision to make. From that exact moment on, it's no longer about YOU, it's about them. Hold them, love them, and dedicate your life to them. It's not your "duty" but rather your "privilege."

Remember you can avoid the pain of the regrets you will have later on, if you fail to take advantage of this time.

I failed, twice no less. But I've been given the opportunity to make another (couple!) of attempts, and I couldn't be happier! My children are my life, and it's the best feeling in the world.

And there you have it. Make it good.

[bman9089]

Originally Posted by 10achik

I had a one year old son at your age and was already married for two years. What is there to think about? Finish school, get a good job, raise your kid

I guess there is the question of what to do about the chick, my suggestion is to talk to her and see where she's at in the relationship, you don't have to get married, but IMO not being in the kids life isn't an option...Just my opinion.

Sound advice. No one is perfect. If you and this girl get along, IMO it's always a better situation to have parents together rather than seperated. Just keep in mind that you are dealing with another kid now and are responsible to him and not just yourself. Don't forsake your child is all.

And congrats as well. This may not be the best or most organized way of going about things, but just because life sends you the unexpected, don't jump to the other end of things and expect the outcome to be miserable. Just focus on what you need to do, get a plan going, and work on a solution and not your problem and you'll get through it.

[hansimusmaximus]

a child is a blessing regardless of how it is brought into this world. the situation may seem less than ideal but you now have the opportunity to do something great. finish school, get a good job, you don't have to marry the girl, but try to stay close. best of luck man

[tlgraham]

I do like her and we get along pretty good. We both just got out of relationships not horribly long ago. This started out as us just 'helping each other out' cause it had been a while since either of us have 'had a good time'. She has told me that she likes me. This isn't the first time that she has been pregnant; she has had 2 miscarriages before. I want to do the right thing and support her, but I am honestly scared ****less about the whole situation.

[DutchNaumo]

Originally Posted by tlgraham

I do like her and we get along pretty good. We both just got out of relationships not horribly long ago. This started out as us just 'helping each other out' cause it had been a while since either of us have 'had a good time'. She has told me that she likes me. This isn't the first time that she has been pregnant; she has had 2 miscarriages before. I want to do the right thing and support her, but I am honestly scared ****less about the whole situation.

hope for a third? Just kiddin man. Just step up and do the right thing. You ****ed up and now you gotta deal with your mistake. I'm 20 too and I know sometimes we don't always think about the consequences before we do things.

[the88thpianoman]

Are you thinking about marrying the girl?

I ask because a lot of people would figure that a kid obligates you to a relationship or marriage to the girl, but this is not necessarily the case. The most important thing is for you to be in this kid's life. That means your relationship to the girl needs to be a sustainable one, be it platonic, or romantic, or marriage. From the kid's point of view, nothing needs to be traditional, it just needs to be consistent. If that means that mommy and daddy are just friends who don't even live together, but they get along and work together to take care of the kid, that is a much healthier situation for it than if mommy and daddy get married and and move in and don't like it and fight all the time.

I don't need to imagine your level of panic right now, because I understand completely. And I know that this is the hardest possible thing for you to believe, because it took me a long time to believe it too, despite the fact that nearly everyone told me this, but it is true... This is not the end of your life. It's not even the end of your life as you know it. Nothing is over. Everything you want to do and accomplish is still attainable. It's just going to be a little bit different. You can fit this in to the rest of your life, without giving up the rest of your life, and still be a good father. It's not going to be easy, and it's going to take a lot of effort, but there is no more worthwhile thing you can do.

[OFFRoadinEV4N]

Originally Posted by Ski01xj

Do the right thing for the kid!

What, abort it?

[JRocker]

one of my buddys was in your shoes. he was freaking and finally he came to terms. then he found out it was twins and freaked again

TWINS

[the88thpianoman]

Originally Posted by JRocker

one of my buddys was in your shoes. he was freaking and finally he came to terms. then he found out it was twins and freaked again

TWINS

You're a jerk

[Moses2564]

Hahaha. Man oh man, didn't I tell you to give up the last time you made a thread about that race-car, mustang driving chick you were dating? I see you didn't heed my advice though.

Seriously man, if you didn't have bud luck, you wouldn't have any at all. Oh well, it's time to step up to the plate and become a man.