Need relationship advice - JeepForum.com
Search  
Sign Up   Today's Posts
User: Pass: Remember?
Advertise Here
Jeep Home Jeep Forum Jeep Classifieds Jeep Registry JeepSpace Jeep Reviews Jeep Gallery Jeep Clubs Jeep Groups Jeep Videos Jeep Events Jeep Articles
Go Back JeepForum.com > General > General Discussion > Need relationship advice

Introducing MONSTALINER™ UV Permanent DIY Roll On Bed LineSavvy Billet LED Tail LightsLight up the holidays with LED lights from JeepHut

Reply
Unread 01-21-2010, 04:21 PM   #1
dieselcrackel
Registered User
2005 TJ Wrangler 
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Oradell, NJ
Posts: 394
Need relationship advice

Ok heres the deal.
Living with my girlfriend last 2+ years. Her oldest daughter who has had problems with drugs and violence toward her mother never liked me and her mother made her go live with her father. The straw that broke the camels back was when her youngest daughter attacked the older daughter and I had to seperate them. The oldest daughter went screaming outside saying I hit her when I didn't even touch her when infact she slammed the door at my back and kicked me. Cops arrived heard all sides of the story and told the oldest daughter to go with her father.
I do not even want to be around the oldest daughter so when she comes over I go to another room. My girlfriend is upset at me and says I should be more understanding and not leave the room when she comes over. I can't do that. It makes me sick to be around her.
So my question is do I stay or do I move. I do love my girlfriend and her youngest daughter is cool The oldest daughter comes over a few times a week and has a bad mouth.
No stupid opinions please.

dieselcrackel is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 04:23 PM   #2
mgramann
Registered User
1998 XJ Cherokee 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Posts: 2,906
How old is the oldest daughter?
mgramann is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 04:25 PM   #3
RebuildRookie
Registered User
1988 YJ Wrangler 
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Central Mississippi
Posts: 852
How old is the oldest daughter? I have a friend who is now married (2 years now) to a woman with an 11 year old daughter. Its been the mom and her for 9 years (her mom got divorced and then dad died) by themselves and the daughter starts all kind of trouble. He cant win either way, by disciplining her or leaving her alone.
__________________
[FONT="Century Gothic"][B]I'm a more proactive person.
You spray the ants before they get in your house.
You plant the crops before you starve.
And you keep the terrorists in check before you get your *** blowed off.[/B][/FONT]
RebuildRookie is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 04:30 PM   #4
jbolty
Moderator
 
jbolty's Avatar
1990 YJ Wrangler 
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 16,064
At a minimum I would never be alone without another adult there; false accusations can still stick.
__________________
.
"The right to be heard does not necessarily include the right to be taken seriously." —Hubert Humphrey
.
If you live within wheeling distance of San Diego county, click here
jbolty is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 04:33 PM   #5
Deezelweazel
Registered User
1999 XJ Cherokee 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Death Star
Posts: 565
You should talk to your girlfriend in advance what to say to her daughter and that you can either live together in peace or have some serious trouble.
Speak to that daughter again with your girlfriend in presence.
You live there- there is no need to leave the room.
You are an adult and have to be calm but relaxed at all.
Even if you don't like it- make sure that the daughter understand that you are not her enemy.
You don't expect huge love, do you? But some respect would be cool- thats all.

Explain her that you will not mess into her live- so shouldn't she!
__________________
Go hard, go Diesel! - Turbocooled and Intercharged...
Deezelweazel is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 04:33 PM   #6
Jake03TJ
Registered User
 
Jake03TJ's Avatar
2003 TJ Wrangler 
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Romeo, MI
Posts: 377
DC, my parents just got divorced in the winter of 2008 after 25yrs of marriage. I have lived on my own since I was 17, and haven't moved back in but for a few weeks when I returned home from living in NC for 2yrs. Anyways, my younger sisters are 17 and 21. They are very disrespectful towards my father's gf, and she didn't get along with my father's gf's daughter, and niece who live with my father, and are of the same age. This is inexcusable in my eyes.

Long story short, I ended up letting the youngest sister move into my house. This was all good at the beginning until she thought that she would be able to do whatever she liked. I had to put my foot down, and I laid down the ground rules.

You're going to have to do the same. You can't be to nice, because she's just going to walk all over you. Now if you are firm, yet suttle. She'll know where you stand. She has to know that you aren't going anywhere, and that is the botttom line. Either she'll get with the program, or she'll be a ***** and realize it after she gets older. I wish you luck it's a tough spot your in. I don't advise you leaving though.
__________________
[SIZE="5"][COLOR="DarkRed"][B]ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE]

[B][SIZE="3"][COLOR="White"]"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet." Major General James Mattis, USMC[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B]

[SIZE="3"][B][COLOR="Blue"]"My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!" Thomas Jefferson[/COLOR][/B][/SIZE]
Jake03TJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 04:34 PM   #7
AlTheKillerr
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Star IV
Posts: 4,996
id talk to your GF about how you feel and maybe take some time to stay else where while things calm down then see how things go
AlTheKillerr is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 04:53 PM   #8
dieselcrackel
Registered User
2005 TJ Wrangler 
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Oradell, NJ
Posts: 394
Oldest daughter is 18. She has been out of the house and living with her father for the last 7 months. Her mother invites her over all the time. I have told my gf the other day that it is very hard for me to be in the same room as her so it is better for me to leave the room. As the saying goes if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all.
The oldest daughter has been coming over for the last 3 nights and I excuse myself and go to the bedroom. Her mother told me that she is still her daughter and she is welcome. It is her house and not mine so I have no say. I do help pay the mortgage and other bills. In fact I give her my pay check and we pay everything together but it is still her house.
dieselcrackel is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 04:57 PM   #9
Jake03TJ
Registered User
 
Jake03TJ's Avatar
2003 TJ Wrangler 
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Romeo, MI
Posts: 377
Quote:
Originally Posted by dieselcrackel View Post
Oldest daughter is 18. She has been out of the house and living with her father for the last 7 months. Her mother invites her over all the time. I have told my gf the other day that it is very hard for me to be in the same room as her so it is better for me to leave the room. As the saying goes if you dont have anything nice to say then dont say anything at all.
The oldest daughter has been coming over for the last 3 nights and I excuse myself and go to the bedroom. Her mother told me that she is still her daughter and she is welcome. It is her house and not mine so I have no say. I do help pay the mortgage and other bills. In fact I give her my pay check and we pay everything together but it is still her house.
Then you know where you stand. The mama bear is protecting, and putting cubs first. The daughter knows this bothers you, and is purposely doing so. I feel for you man. The best decision may be to move if she is going to take her daughter's side.
__________________
[SIZE="5"][COLOR="DarkRed"][B]ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE]

[B][SIZE="3"][COLOR="White"]"Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet." Major General James Mattis, USMC[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B]

[SIZE="3"][B][COLOR="Blue"]"My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!" Thomas Jefferson[/COLOR][/B][/SIZE]
Jake03TJ is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 05:02 PM   #10
gmiller0737
Registered User
1997 TJ Wrangler 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Jacksonville,Fl
Posts: 770
You need to try & work things out with the daughter why not have a civil talk between your self & the daughter & your girlfriend? You cant win otherwise no matter how difficult the daughter is She is your girlfriend's daughter
gmiller0737 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 05:03 PM   #11
GraKee99
Rapist Wit
 
GraKee99's Avatar
1999 WJ 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Basalt, Colorado
Posts: 9,447
Burn the oldest daughter down...
__________________
Brian

WJ, WK, CJ5


Colorado Jeep Club Member #188
GraKee99 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 05:11 PM   #12
mgramann
Registered User
1998 XJ Cherokee 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Posts: 2,906
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake03TJ View Post
Then you know where you stand. The mama bear is protecting, and putting cubs first. The daughter knows this bothers you, and is purposely doing so. I feel for you man. The best decision may be to move if she is going to take her daughter's side.
I agree. The paychecks to mom need to stop if you have no say. You pay rent to have a safe place for you to live-and if she isn't providing that for you, you need to make other arrangments. If she tells you to leave, then do it as you know what really matters. You need to be safe in your own home, and if you don't come first in your g/f's eyes, that is a big issue.
mgramann is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 05:16 PM   #13
Deezelweazel
Registered User
1999 XJ Cherokee 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Death Star
Posts: 565
Mama is always sticking with the kids.
Even if it is her house- you participate in her life and you also take part in payments.
Always have in mind kids are first for every mom.
So if you want to get along with your gf- you have to arrange and find a way to live in coexistence with the daughter.
Deezelweazel is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 05:17 PM   #14
cmvash
Registered User
1973 CJ5 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: North West Arkansas
Posts: 454
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraKee99 View Post
Burn the oldest daughter down...
Concurred.

The daughter's 18, and unless she's smoking hot, she needs to move on with her life and quit causing a hardship in her mother's love life. You help support your gf, you absolutely have a say in the matter.
cmvash is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Unread 01-21-2010, 05:24 PM   #15
TSEJEEPERS
Registered User
1993 YJ Wrangler 
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Morton IL
Posts: 5,032
Just be patient, It will get better. The daughter needs to know you are not going anywhere.
It is her daughter, she should be always be welcome. You are with a woman with kids, it is a package deal. Like it or not.
You should never put your girlfreind in a situation where she has to pick between you and her daughter. These are her kids, sometimes you will have to bite your tongue.
If you can not handle it then yes you should leave.
__________________
93 YJ SOA 2" springs front, XJ springs rear w/main leaf added, High pinon 9 inch rear detroit locker front Dana 44 ARB 4.56 Gears, 36 inch Irok tires too much to list. www.mijc.org
TSEJEEPERS is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the JeepForum.com forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid e-mail address for yourself.
Note: All free e-mails have been banned due to mis-use. (Yahoo, Gmail, Hotmail, etc.)
Don't have a non-free e-mail address? Click here for a solution: Manual Account Creation
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.


Thread Tools


Suggested Threads





Jeep, Wrangler, Cherokee, Grand Cherokee, and other models are copyrighted and trademarked to Jeep/Chrysler Corporation. JeepForum.com is not in any way associated with Jeep or the Chrysler Corp.