Latrine-ology: not to be crass..but...

theirishavenger · 09-15-2006, 09:01 PM

I was pondering something this evening, as I sat on my throne having a heart-to-heart with my bowels, as I am often wont to do. And thus, Latrine-ology was born.

How did they go to the bathroom in space? I'm not talking about the shuttle where they have a nice little john with a suction fan and a targeting toilet where you lock on by camera to your anus. Before that. Apollo, Gemini, Soyuz, Salyut, Mercury. How did they do it? I mean, c'mon. Neil, Buzz and Mike are flying through space to the moon, and Neil has to take a dump. Did they use the attached Lunar Module for an impromptu bathroom? Did they close the hatch and let it "air out" through the scrubbers for a while? What about ON the moon? They say they brought everything back with them, but who's to say they didn't dig a little hole and bury all their ziploc baggies full of "detritus" on the moon? I mean, nobody would ever know, right? When they were on EVA, I heard they just used a special diaper in their spacesuit, but when they get back in the LM, they HAVE to change clothes, right? I mean, geez, that musta STUNK!

And what about polite niceties? I mean, every time you hear them talking to astronauts on TV, the astronauts are always the nicest, most positive, happy guys in the world. I mean, the shuttle could just be falling apart around them and they're like, "Hey Mike, could ya pass me the duct tape? It's getting a little breezy in here what with that micrometeoroid puncture n all". What about when it comes to bathroom time? Did they ever just break down and say, "Damn Eileen, what'd you have for lunch? Whew, did something die in your colon?" Do they have special astronaut training for bathroom etiquette in space?

And my question doesn't just apply to the space program. What about when the pioneers crossed the great plains on their way to California? I mean, there is NOTHING for miles, not even a tree to go behind. What'd they do,circle some wagons every ten or twenty miles and create a makeshift rest stop? What'd they do for privacy? What about toilet paper? Did they even bring any, or HAVE IT back then?
What about the pilgrims on the Mayflower? What are the bathroom facilities on a ship like that? Is that why they call it the "poop deck"?

UFO's and ghosts are all well and good, but the little questions need answered too. God bless you, Neil Armstrong. Diaper rash and all.

PhilipJ · 09-15-2006, 09:16 PM

Wait... you actually think we landed on the moon? But there's no proof! (Had to throw that in there to keep pace with the ghost/alien threads.)

My guess is that they probably kept the astronauts on a mostly liquid diet or something else with a low poop-generation rate to prevent such disasters. The missions back then were only a few days; it's possible they didn't have enough accumulated to go in that time frame. Nothing like a little explosive diarrhea during re-entry to make things more exciting, yeah?

**bryris** · 09-15-2006, 09:22 PM

When there is a will there is a way.

**Richmond88yj** · 09-15-2006, 09:31 PM

The moon is an absurd liberal myth!

It amazes me that so many allegedly "educated" people have fallen so quickly and so hard for a fraudulent fabrication of such laughable proportions. The very idea that a gigantic ball of rock happens to orbit our planet, showing itself in neat, four-week cycles -- with the same side facing us all the time -- is ludicrous. Furthermore, it is an insult to common sense and a damnable affront to intellectual honesty and integrity. That people actually believe it is evidence that the liberals have wrested the last vestiges of control of our public school system from decent, God-fearing Americans (as if any further evidence was needed! Daddy's Roommate? God Almighty!)

Documentaries such as Enemy of the State have accurately portrayed the elaborate, byzantine network of surveillance satellites that the liberals have sent into space to spy on law-abiding Americans. Equipped with technology developed by Handgun Control, Inc., these satellites have the ability to detect firearms from hundreds of kilometers up. That's right, neighbors .. the next time you're out in the backyard exercising your Second Amendment rights, the liberals will see it! These satellites are sensitive enough to tell the difference between a Colt .45 and a .38 Special! And when they detect you with a firearm, their computers cross-reference the address to figure out your name, and then an enormous database housed at Berkeley is updated with information about you.

Of course, this all works fine during the day, but what about at night? Even the liberals can't control the rotation of the Earth to prevent nightfall from setting in (only Joshua was able to ask for that particular favor!) That's where the "moon" comes in. Powered by nuclear reactors, the "moon" is nothing more than an enormous balloon, emitting trillions of candlepower of gun-revealing light. Piloted by key members of the liberal community, the "moon" is strategically moved across the country, pointing out those who dare to make use of their God-given rights at night!

Yes, I know this probably sounds paranoid and preposterous, but consider this. Despite what the revisionist historians tell you, there is no mention of the "moon" anywhere in literature or historical documents -- anywhere -- before 1950. That is when it was initially launched. When President Josef Kennedy, at the State of the Union address, proclaimed "We choose to go to the moon", he may as well have said "We choose to go to the weather balloon." The subsequent faking of a "moon" landing on national TV was the first step in a long history of the erosion of our constitutional rights by leftists in this country. No longer can we hide from our government when the sun goes down.

DailyDrvn5 · 09-15-2006, 10:03 PM

Oookaaaay, i hope thats sarcasm Richmond 88 YJ cause thats a bit silly

The lundar calender has been around for ages and alot of very old monuments are exactly lined up sith sun and moon cycles, Stone Henge the Pyramids etc. Even if the mood is "fake" theres no way they could make it line up with all those monuments and all.

Thats hands down the most bizarre conspiracy theory ive ever heard if your serious

**Richmond88yj** · 09-15-2006, 10:17 PM

It's an internet lore, I didn't write it. A guy named 70% did about 5 years ago on slashdot. One of my all time favorite trolls. 70% is legandary.

(My Slashdot id is 348, old timer)

POLBOSS · 09-15-2006, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DailyDrvn5

Oookaaaay, i hope thats sarcasm Richmond 88 YJ cause thats a bit silly

The lundar calender has been around for ages and alot of very old monuments are exactly lined up sith sun and moon cycles, Stone Henge the Pyramids etc. Even if the mood is "fake" theres no way they could make it line up with all those monuments and all.

Thats hands down the most bizarre conspiracy theory ive ever heard if your serious

You are not serious when you question Richmond88YJ's theory are you?