How To Be a Ricer: 101

[BigYellaJeep]

So, youve watched The Fast and the Furious eight times, and you live by Domincs famous words, I live my life a quarter-mile at a time, in those ten seconds or less I am free, you are a bonified street racer. If youre fat please dont confuse this life motto with, I live my life a quarter-pounder at a time, no lettuce or tomato and french fries for free, youre just a bonified fat @!..$.
Anyways, before you go blowing your cash on a fixed-up Honda, Nissan, or Acura, take a look in your own garage first. If you own any type of imported vehicle, you can be a street racer! You dont need a fast car; all you need is some stickers, sweet driving skills and a little imagination.

Driving Techniques

First, lets discuss how to properly drive your imported vehicle. Even if your import has a stock engine, you cant let anybody else know this. Although people rarely know the difference, a little mystery will help your image. Driving your vehicle properly is imperative. Think of the street cred points you would lose if you drove just like every other Average Joe? Here are some driving tips that are sure to get you the reputation you deserve:

ALWAYS drive fast, even if the next stoplight is only 500 feet away.
Try to secure the front spot when waiting at a stoplight. Make sure your front end is all up in the pedestrian crosswalk to let everyone know who is boss.
If you cannot secure the front spot, be sure to stop behind a car that has a higher probability of driving fast. For example: If you are faced with the decision of either stopping behind a Dodge Caravan or a Ford Focus, choose the Focus even if you are almost at a stop already. Cutting people off makes them realize how fast and powerful your car is.
When driving in traffic: One word. Weave. Always try to get in front of people who are blocking your way to VTEC happiness. If someone refuses to heed to your Japanese balls of steel, drive about one foot behind them. This is international car talk for Please move your vehicle when possible. If somebody honks at you, it is not because you are driving recklessly; it is simply horns of applause at your aggressive, talented driving.
When you see a Mustang GT or SRT-4 on the freeway, casually pass them and put on your hazards on, signifying your win. Immediately go home and post on your favorite internet car forum that you raped a Mustang on the freeway. Then masturbate to the thought of your 4-cylinder naturally aspirated monster destroying an eight cylinder with low HP per liter, realizing that at sexual release, only the feeling of going into VTEC is better than jizzing in your hand. Dont forget to wipe it up with your sock!
Car Image

The image of your car is important to you as a street racer. Without it, you are nothing. Image is MUCH more important than what is actually under the hood. Here are some simple steps that enhance your bragging Horse Power (numbers you dont need to worry about, just know it makes your car fast in Honda land):

Step 1 - Lower your car: all street racers have lowered cars, without it, you might as well be driving a Yugo.
+ 5 Horse Power

Step 2 - Body kit - Be sure to have a body kit on your import.If you cant afford one, make it out of cardboard. If you can, dont worry about painting it, this is not important to your street racing image.
+ 10 Horse Power
[ Extra Horse Power if your car has a primered body kit with a painted car and you leave it like that for 6 months or more. + 2 extra Horse Power]
Step 3 - Carbon-Fiber anything: Carbon-Fiber makes your car lighter and faster.
+ 5 Horse Power

Step 4 - Spoiler: The bigger, uglier, more obnoxious the better. A well-placed spoiler SCREAMS Street Racer.
+ 7 Horse Power
Step 5 - If you are a girl: be sure to show your Honda power with a pink, flowery sticker that says Powered By [Your name here] or better yet, Powered By *****.
+ 2 Horse Power
[Again, + 2 Horse Power more if the sticker color does not match your car at all]
Step 6 - Muffler tip: Dont waste your time doing your entire exhaust system. No street racer knows the difference anyways. Just go to your local muffler shop and pick up a 3 inch muffler tip. Sound is perhaps the most important aspect of your import.
+ 10 Horse Power
FYI: Dont have time/cant afford a muffler tip? Thats OK! Just get a drill and put a golf-sized hole in your muffler. Works just as well! + 4 Horse Power
Step 7 - Stickers: Stickers on your car enhance and add the much-desired Horse Power. They can be from anywhere, your local muffler shop, body shop, or the sticker from your favorite radio station. + 1 Horse Power for every sticker.
Step 8 - Car Color: If you are Mexican, make sure some kind of neon color makes it onto your import. No need for professional paint, spray paint will do.
+ 10 Horse Power

Step 9 - Your Nationality: Being short and Asain with spiky black hair gives you even more street credif you are ready to handle the attention, bleach the tips of your hair and bust out your Linkin Park/Jay-Z Collision Course CD + 10 Horse Power
Step 10 - Tagging your Acura as a Honda: There is no greater sign of greatness in the import world. If you live in the U.S., tagging your Acura as a Honda gives you the BIGGEST penis on the block! You see, in Japan, Acuras are Hondas.
+ a billion Horse Power
Pre-Racing/ Getting someone to race you:

Step 1 - Get in behind them and flash your brights, this is international car talk for Would you like to eat my dust?

Step 2 - When coming to a stoplight, intimidate your opponent by revving and rolling down your window to shout mild racing obscenities such as:

Your mom goes to college!
Where did you get that spoiler?! The toilet store?!
I slept with your girlfriend last night!
I put my wiener in your sisters mouth last night!

Racing

Honk 3 times, and on the 3rd honk, place the pedal to the metal.

Winning/ Losing

Whether you win or lose, let your opponent know who theyre dealing with:

If you win, get in front of them and flash your hazards. This is international car talk for Oh snap, I kicked your ***, you stupid *****.
If you lose, drive off with your head held high and dont let them see you cry. Talk @!..$ about them to your friends saying it doesnt matter and thier car was a piece of @!..$ anyways, and if you had a better launch you would have won.
Final Thoughts on the Street Racing Life

To finalize your life as a street racer, you must dabble in all aspects of street racing life. For example, you could visit the online Honda Forums daily or stop watching **** and look at live streaming videos of real Japanese Nissan Skylines,those down-and-dirty Toyota Supras or Gods own chariot the Integra Type-R. Whatever it is, remember to always live life a quarter mile at a time

[jeep_on]

[dirtbagofva]

all this is true

the funniest is when a red neck builds a ricer...drop a bored v8 into a Mazda RX-7. Something about 350 hp on the wheels.

most of those guys are tards!

[KMcNaught]

Life of a Street Racaaaa

Long, but worth a giggle if you have nothing better to do.

[jeep_on]

Originally Posted by dirtbagofva

all this is true

the funniest is when a red neck builds a ricer...drop a bored v8 into a Mazda RX-7. Something about 350 hp on the wheels.

most of those guys are tards!

I'd love to do that. Than I'd go around and race all the high school punks who think their HONDUHs are so fast for slips. Take the cars and sell them back to them.

[GreenDean]

Very good.

And a note to all the VTEC owners out there
(even though they will not see this thread)

It's a VTEC not a VTRC

VTEC = Variable Timing Emissions Control

It not VTRC, Variable Timing Racing Control.

Your VTEC does nothing but save you about 1% on gas and save the enviroment by another 0.001%.

And on a final note...
What ever you drive (Civic, Accord, Rav4, Caravan)...
Be sure you get the biggest sticker possible that will fit in your back window and across the top of your windsheild that states what you are driving. People will thank you for placing that giant CIVIC vinyl on your window becuase we just might not realize what you are driving to begin with. So thank you in advance.

Also... playing the latest Rap or Techno music while the engine is running adds more then 20 HP. But most of you know that already.

[97Xj_Sport]

Don't forget the neon. If your car doesn't look like a UFO your a poser!

[jeep_on]

Originally Posted by 97Xj_Sport

Don't forget the neon. If your car doesn't look like a UFO your a poser!

You mean some thing like this?







I hate to admit I live in the same state as this fool...

[lutzke21]

those are way sweeeet!!!

I need both on my suburban!

[RnEmOvr]

you forgot YELLOW adds 10hp on the ground!!!!

[TXjeepTJ]

Originally Posted by KMcNaught

Life of a Street Racaaaa

Long, but worth a giggle if you have nothing better to do.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!

[mpd8488]

[BigYellaJeep]

Originally Posted by dzntzhellfire

you forgot YELLOW adds 10hp on the ground!!!!

Gee, it sounds like Club Frankenlift and the pics above must be related...maybe? Eh?

Also, aren't all the ricer engines out there...uh...um....4 cylinders?

Oh, and good thing mine isn't Yellow...but Yella. Whew

Haha, that video was pretty funny. "F-Body? What the F--- does that stand for? *** body? Oh crap, gotta put this trunk down, some trash-ams are coming this way."

[RnEmOvr]

Originally Posted by BigYellaJeep

Gee, it sounds like Club Frankenlift and the pics above must be related...maybe? Eh?

Also, aren't all the ricer engines out there...uh...um....4 cylinders?

Oh, and good thing mine isn't Yellow...but Yella. Whew

Haha, that video was pretty funny. "F-Body? What the F--- does that stand for? *** body? Oh crap, gotta put this trunk down, some trash-ams are coming this way."

ok my post was not aimed at you, it was more aimed at huge stickers and interiors, i was going to add a pic but couldnt find it, an entire vechial being yellow is ok but when its black, or blue,or silver or all of those and is accented in yellow then it becomes gay IMO, i never once put you or your jeep down, i thought you had a very good looking jeep, so not sure what your problem is but i think you need to calm down

[BigYellaJeep]

Originally Posted by dzntzhellfire

ok my post was not aimed at you, it was more aimed at huge stickers and interiors, i was going to add a pic but couldnt find it, an entire vechial being yellow is ok but when its black, or blue,or silver or all of those and is accented in yellow then it becomes gay IMO, i never once put you or your jeep down, i thought you had a very good looking jeep, so not sure what your problem is but i think you need to calm down

You seem to have misunderstood me as well dzntzhellfire. I was merely joking in response...was not being serious.

However, I'll admit that I thought you were talking to me. Sorry man if I offended you.