Helping an alcoholic friend.....

**ras2001wj** · 02-09-2009, 02:19 AM

In spirit of the you know your a JF addict if: thread:

You know your a JF addict if you can't think of a better place to ask advice normally reserved for psychological professionals.

Well, with that aside, I guess I can start.

I have a very dear friend of mine who is an alcoholic. Somewhat recently, I have seen her on the brink of death with this habit, but every time she gets out of control, she seems to get her act back together.

I understand a little about alcoholism and I know that 100% abstinence is the only way to control it, but she was able to bring herself back within moderate drinking levels and got her grip on life back. I know that it is only a matter of time before she falls off the wagon again, but she has a very stubborn personality and I really don't know how to bring it up to her without her taking it the wrong way, and dismissing it because everyone else who spends far less time with her notices the improvement, and not the negative side effects.

To complicate the matter worse, she is on Effexor XR for treatment of depression, and if you know anything about that drug, you would know alcohol increases side effects of the drug. The side effects that she displays are those common in some people after drinking (Aggression, Agitation, Confusion, Unusual thoughts, Nervousness, Mood swings) and usually it is dismissed by those close to her as her just being drunk.

I was around her enough during her worst, and am around her just as much now that she has started cutting back, and I see this as most likely a sign of the side effects of mixing the two, but I need to get my facts together and present them to her in a manner that will not offend her, yet still hopefully be effective. Any information and/or advice is appreciated.

(A little more appropriate here)

Please don't be *******s, I'm looking for advice, not useless bull****

rmtomasin · 02-09-2009, 03:31 AM

well man all you can do to bring it up to her is be honest with her and come out of love. I'm a recovering addict and at first when people said i had a problem i was so in denial and so prideful to admit it, even though i knew something wasn't right. But i never would have gotten sober if those people didn't tell me what i needed to hear no matter how mad or what ever i got, down the road those were my real friends. thats about all you can do the rest is out of your control. i definatly wasn't aware of my problem at first and some times people do go through fazes or hard times but there were one or two time thats i went cold turkey on everything and that only lasted for so long. thats just me but i know now today, thanks to those friends, that i am an addict and i can't lie to myself anymore. i totally know how you feel though i have many many friends like that and some stay sober and some don't but at the end of my day i know i put everything i had into helping someone else out, and thats all you can do. but good luck man if you got any more questions keep postin

**Rob99** · 02-09-2009, 08:00 AM

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. If she's not willing to do that and want to get sober, it won't happen.

4U2NV · 02-09-2009, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rob99

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. If she's not willing to do that and want to get sober, it won't happen.

X2!! She has to want to quit.

ncarr · 02-09-2009, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rob99

They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. If she's not willing to do that and want to get sober, it won't happen.

My bro was an alcoholic for years, and the above is the only adivece will apply right now. Once they admit and try, and fail, and try and fail, then you can help more. They'll fail more than anything...that's when they need strong support. They won't listen to you, they'll always be right, and they'll never "have a problem". Kinda sounds like a woman?

j/k

But seriously... stick it out man. I gave my brother nothin but tough love, I sat through AA meetings with him, and kept up with him at every turn. AA meetings showed him there's people worse off, even though he didn't think so. Find out what's important to her, and keep it at the forefront. Just remember you can only help so much. They have to want to stop. Good luck man, truly, it's a tough road when you care about em.

yamaguy01 · 02-09-2009, 08:17 AM

In my experience I've found that people who are not 100% committed to resolving an addiction will never overcome it. If your will power or thoughts are someplace else you just go right back. I really can not give anymore advice than this. I just know she has to be 100% committed even if you are behind her 200% she's not going anyplace if she doesn't realize the problem and want to fix it.

Dave

rideraa · 02-09-2009, 08:28 AM

Try al-non they would be a expert in the field you are asking about .... I'm sure they can be a benifit/support to you and your friend. If you want to help why not get some experinced experts on your side. I would think AA is where your friend will end up anyways to find a path out and stay on it.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

**ras2001wj** · 02-09-2009, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ncarr

My bro was an alcoholic for years, and the above is the only adivece will apply right now. Once they admit and try, and fail, and try and fail, then you can help more. They'll fail more than anything...that's when they need strong support. They won't listen to you, they'll always be right, and they'll never "have a problem". Kinda sounds like a woman?

j/k

Maybe I didn't go into this far enough. She has admitted her problem, shes been in and out of AA, where I have sat at her side for many meetings, but now she feels she has proved the system wrong in getting her drinking back into moderation.

She basically has admitted she wouldn't still be here without all I have done for her, but now that she has basically proven in her rather closed mind that she can control this on her own, while I sit here day in and day out waiting for the next time I have to go to the police station to pick her up, or worse, I get a call saying that she is in the hospital and so on.

Thanks guys, keep em coming.

JG_Canuck · 02-09-2009, 08:34 AM

Actually, the first step is to admit that you are powerless over alcohol, and that your life has become unmanageable.

X2 on the AA meeting. Take her to some open speaker meetings, she may begin to identify with others.

ncarr · 02-09-2009, 08:37 AM

My brother told me that the problem for alcoholics isn't that they can't stop... it's that they can't start.

In order to get by it, she'll probably never be able to drink again. My brother's been sober for 2 years and he doesn't even care to drink now.

JG_Canuck · 02-09-2009, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ras2001wj

Maybe I didn't go into this far enough. She has admitted her problem, shes been in and out of AA, where I have sat at her side for many meetings, but now she feels she has proved the system wrong in getting her drinking back into moderation.

A true alcoholic can never be a moderate (social) drinker.

outlawjosywales · 02-09-2009, 08:44 AM

It's all about EXCUSES & SELF PITY. & I've got no time for it. There is no excuse. I've been to 13 different countries & seen people living in unimaginable conditions, & children with no hope for a better future. It's becoming typical of this society
for people to get attention & a handout. You really want to help buy her a ticket to a third world nation & let her see what it is to NOT have the advantages offered as a citizen of this country. I had an uncle who drank himself to death, but in the end it was his decision & so be it. In my opinion they should all be ashamed to allow themselves to be a burden on their family/friends & society, but understanding it's about SELF PITY & ATTENTION that will never cross their minds.
Not to offend you man, it's just how it is.

tj70 · 02-09-2009, 08:51 AM

This may be harsh but you have to understand she will not stop until her body will not allow her to abuse booze anymore.What i mean buy this is when she hits rock bottom and almost doesnt make it is when people realize what there doing to themselves and the others around them. hopefully in this case she can hit bottom and come out from this with her life.all you can do is be there for whatever happens. i know you probably want to turn a switch so to speak and have everthing change and she be back to normal but it wILL not until she and her body have hit rock bottom.Its somewhat like raising a child , you hope for the best and prepair for the worst. goodluck.

Kedive · 02-09-2009, 12:17 PM

I have dealt with friends and family's alcoholism my whole life it is a terrible thing to deal with for those addicted and for everyone around them to deal with. I've lost a cousin I was very close with two years ago watching his battle was very difficult we had him in and out of rehab for a few years until he died in rehab. We currently have my uncle in addiction counseling as well.

The truth is it is very hard to get most people to realize they have a problem until they are in crisis or have hit rock bottom. If she has family it might be a good idea to talk to them about it because in many situations like my uncles the rest of us didn't know he was having a problem until my aunt told us. Another option is if you now someone in AA contact them about the situation they will be willing to help as well as give you some advice on the situation.

sitdwnandhngon · 02-09-2009, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bayougold

It's all about EXCUSES & SELF PITY. & I've got no time for it. There is no excuse. I've been to 13 different countries & seen people living in unimaginable conditions, & children with no hope for a better future. It's becoming typical of this society
for people to get attention & a handout. You really want to help buy her a ticket to a third world nation & let her see what it is to NOT have the advantages offered as a citizen of this country. I had an uncle who drank himself to death, but in the end it was his decision & so be it. In my opinion they should all be ashamed to allow themselves to be a burden on their family/friends & society, but understanding it's about SELF PITY & ATTENTION that will never cross their minds.
Not to offend you man, it's just how it is.

Yes, thank you.