If you feel so strongly as to need to put your thoughts in writing, you should take the time to do so correctly and with great care. To do less is a disservice to yourself.
No matter what you think. No matter what anyone else tells you, you'll never be taken seriously until you can do so.
'Tis also a disservice to the intellect in general, and to your idea and position in particular.
If I have to decipher the first paragraph, I'm not going to read the rest of the paper. One thing I usually assign to any tutees I have is an "opinion paper" - doesn't matter what it's on, just:
- Present a subject.
- Present your position
on the subject
- Defend your position
on the subject, using clear logic and verifiable facts.
- Spelling, grammar, and punctuation all count.
- Logical progression matters. If I can't follow your ideas one to the next, I'll likely fail the paper and demand a rewrite.
- Wiki is not considered a source for "verifiable facts." One Wiki reference will bomb the whole paper. (Use it to direct your research at the library, but GO TO THE LIBRARY. Library research does not seem to be taught in school, either.)
Now, might I ask at what level the system has decided to put you? Based on your use of language, I'm worried if it's anything beyond grammar school...