[WhtJeep]

I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone
ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall

this is where I couldnt stop laughing. Oh that made my day

[ReNxWar]

The Perfect Dump
Every once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world and that you are in perfect harmony with it.
The Beer Dump
Nasty! Depends upon the dumper's tolerance and is the result of too many beers - doesn't matter if it was 2 or 22. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by an odious malevolent fog that could close the bathroom for days. Naked flames are ill advised.....

The Chilli Dump (aka The Japanese Flag)
Hot when it goes in and napalm when it comes out. It stays with you all day stinging yer ring and generally making your choccie starfish feel like the Shuttle's heat shield. Also makes your *** look like "a Japanese Flag."

The Empty Roll Dump
Relief - you've finished and reach for the tissue only to find an empty cardboard cylinder staring back at you. Panic overcomes you. You could use the curtains but then someone would ask "where are the curtains?" Use the rug? Nah, too bulky and cumbersome. You then come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face.....pull up yer kecks tighten yer cheeks and shuffle yourself to the nearest loo roll. Failing that you could always use your shirt-tail or one of your socks!

The Splash Back Dump
This one drops like a depth charge creating a column of cold water that washes your sphincter with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet - and embarrassed if the column of water went half way up your back. Tip of the day: blot instead of wiping.

The Childbirth Dump
This one is just too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for this purpose. You sit there thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf!" There are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaseline to help you get through it.

The Machine Gun Dump
Best utilized in public conveniences. You sit there in sublime peace when suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the tranquility like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits the floor like a Vietnam veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16....damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump
You feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the precise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Drop loose change on the floor, 3. Sing the first two stanzas of your favorite opera.

The Cling-On Dump
You've finished but there's one damn morsel that refuses to drop. You grip the seat with both hands and wriggle. You twist and pump but the little bastard just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the water below. If only you had some scissors.......

The Whole Roll Dump
No matter how much you wipe, it just isn't enough. You blow the whole roll and have to flush at least a dozen times. The whole episode is consumer waste. Eventually if your toilet paper runs into minimal supply anything will do, towels, wash clothes, carpet, walls, whatever it takes.

The Encore Dump
Ahhh, you've done, so you wipe, dress, flush, wash hands and are about to leave the auditorium when you feel another dump coming on. You must therefore return for a curtain call. The world record is seven encores.....

The Houdini Dump
You go, you stand to flush and it has disappeared! Did it creep down the pipe or did you dream the whole thing? Should you flush? Oh yes as you can guarantee that if you don't, it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in.

[ReNxWar]

Escapee
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

Jailbreak (Used in conjunction with Escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

Courtesy Flush
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

Walk of Shame
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

Out of the Closet Pooper
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

The Pooping Friends Network
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

Safe Havens
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

Turd Burglar
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

Camo-Cough
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

Astaire
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

Watermelon
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

Havana Omlet
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

Uncle Ted
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

Fly By
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

[ReNxWar]

*NOTE* Neither of those are mine. Taken from another forum.

[sardog12]

That is by far the funniest thing that I have heard or read in the past week!!!! Are you sure you weren't in the Navy?

[Beefstew]

im not ginna lie, i get drunk an dlook forward to reading the forum posts, and this one made my day... idc if u stole some one elses exelent work... this terd story made me wond3rer... i remem ber one time a freind of mine, we were poopin together... he was a nutjob... and he randomly decided next to me in the stall to poop outside the toilet!!! an dhe angled it pefrectly so it shot out right inoto my side of the stall, essentially pooping under the stall wal and into my territory!!!


RIGHT BY ME FEET.. in fact it splattered on me a little, well thats basicly my story, i punched him! in the head after words.. the ear to be exact! but it was really funny and i might try doing it soon, lol figured id shar my littley poopy storey with the forum... since this is a poopie thread

[koeingsyj]

My sister just walked in the room and told me to shut up cuz I was laughing so hard...... Very nice!!

[NEWtoTHEjeepLIF]

Originally Posted by fisher446

and thats why i posted it cause it is a well known piece of work in this thinng we call the internet. I didnt say it was mine, did i??

Hmmm let me see if I got this right. Because you didn't say "This is my personel work" that means you don't have to give credit where credit is due?

Somebody actually sat down and used some brain power to create that funny piece of work. You took that work and posted it under your user name with no credit being given to the original writer. Just because someone on another forum posted it without crediting the original writer does not make it right.

Do you really not see what you did wrong?

It is simple to fix and even simpler to never do again.

[ImSuck]

wahahahahahahahahahahhahhahhaha that was one of the funniest things i have ever read.

[basso4735]

i really lol'd

[Awshux]

Originally Posted by Beefstew202

im not ginna lie, i get drunk an dlook forward to reading the forum posts, and this one made my day... idc if u stole some one elses exelent work... this terd story made me wond3rer... i remem ber one time a freind of mine, we were poopin together... he was a nutjob... and he randomly decided next to me in the stall to poop outside the toilet!!! an dhe angled it pefrectly so it shot out right inoto my side of the stall, essentially pooping under the stall wal and into my territory!!!


RIGHT BY ME FEET.. in fact it splattered on me a little, well thats basicly my story, i punched him! in the head after words.. the ear to be exact! but it was really funny and i might try doing it soon, lol figured id shar my littley poopy storey with the forum... since this is a poopie thread

This post is...um...interesting!

[9jeep0]

Originally Posted by NEWtoTHEjeepLIF

Hmmm let me see if I got this right. Because you didn't say "This is my personel work" that means you don't have to give credit where credit is due?

Somebody actually sat down and used some brain power to create that funny piece of work. You took that work and posted it under your user name with no credit being given to the original writer. Just because someone on another forum posted it without crediting the original writer does not make it right.

Do you really not see what you did wrong?

It is simple to fix and even simpler to never do again.

WHO CARES!!!


That was great

[ionakana]

I'm laughing my *** off, I really needed that

[Grewe02]

[Grewe02]