> Press Release via Internet
> From Santa Claus
> November 24, 2005
> I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I
> will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida,
> Virginia and North and South Carolina, Tennessee,
> Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve. Due to the
> overwhelming current population of the earth, my
> contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies
> and Elves Local 209.
> As part of the new and better contract I also get
> longer breaks or milk and cookies so keep that in
> However, I'm certain that your children will be in
> good hands with your local replacement who happens to
> be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the
> family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
> delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
> however, there are a few differences between us.
> Differences such as:
> 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your
> presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his
> sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys
> insured by Smith and Wesson."
> 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
> that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a
> moon pie] on the fireplace.-=-=And Bubba doesn't smoke a
> pipe.-=-=-=He dips a little snuff though, so please have
> an empty spit can handy.
> 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
> flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the
> mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one
> time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
> 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and
> Blitzen"when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll
> hear, "On Earnhardt,on Andretti, on Elliott and
> 5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by"Yee Haw!" And
> you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I
> her'd dat!"
> 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
> sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the
> back with the words "Back Off My A%& Fore I Come
> 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle
> on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not
> be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,
> you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
> Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring
> Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state
> patrol cars crashing into each other.
> And Finally,
> 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
> make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other
> way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
> Sincerely Yours,
> Santa Claus
> Member of North American Fairies and Elves
> Union 1225
-I am a man. And I can change. If I have too. I guess.-
Canadian Jeep Club Member#17