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Unread 11-02-2010, 12:23 PM   #76
kfcandtanq
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Killing Chuck Norris doesn't make him dead.. it just really pisses him off.

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Unread 11-02-2010, 12:37 PM   #77
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In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
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Unread 11-02-2010, 01:06 PM   #78
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Betcha' wish your girlfriend was as dirty as my Jeep!
Zombies hate fast food.
Hang on! This is gunna' be a thrill ride of geriatric proportion!
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Unread 11-02-2010, 01:08 PM   #79
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Betcha' wish your girlfriend was as dirty as my Jeep!
Zombies hate fast food.
Hang on! This is gunna' be a thrill ride of geriatric proportion!
RJC#512
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Unread 11-02-2010, 01:12 PM   #80
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Chuck Norris invented hamburger by throwing a cow at a chain link fence.
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Betcha' wish your girlfriend was as dirty as my Jeep!
Zombies hate fast food.
Hang on! This is gunna' be a thrill ride of geriatric proportion!
RJC#512
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Unread 11-02-2010, 01:14 PM   #81
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Only two things will survive a nuclear holocaust, roaches and Chuck Norris; the roaches, however, will not survive Chuck Norris.
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Unread 11-02-2010, 02:23 PM   #82
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Chuck Norris does not go hunting because hunting implies the possibilty of failure, Chuck Norris goes killing.
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Unread 11-02-2010, 03:54 PM   #83
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Chuck Norris was once hit by lightening. This is why lightening never strikes the same place twice: it knows Chuck is looking for it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EricRollerSkate View Post
Do they come in any other varieties besides crap?
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Unread 11-02-2010, 07:34 PM   #84
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Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31 to April 2. No one fools Chuck Norris.


I thought this one was great:
Quote:
Chuck Norris was once hit by lightening. This is why lightening never strikes the same place twice: it knows Chuck is looking for it.
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Unread 11-03-2010, 06:49 AM   #85
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Chuck Norris looked Medusa directly in the eyes and Medusa immediately imploded.
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Unread 11-03-2010, 08:05 AM   #86
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1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

2. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

3. Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.

4. Chuck Norris ordered a big mac at burger king and got one.

5. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

6. Chuck Norris CAN touch MC hammer.

7. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Just so everyone knows they call these jokes because everyone knows Chuck Norris takes care of my light work.
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Unread 11-03-2010, 08:19 AM   #87
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Chuck Norris wears ribbed condoms, inside-out, for HIS pleasure.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EricRollerSkate View Post
Do they come in any other varieties besides crap?
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Unread 11-06-2010, 08:06 PM   #88
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Chuck Norris once sneezed, the result was what is now referred to as the "big bang"
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Unread 12-06-2010, 02:18 AM   #89
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Here's a couple that I made up today:

1. Chuck Norris owns all CJs and only loans them out to individuals. Contrary to popular belief, CJ does not stand for Civilian Jeep. It actually stands for Chuck's Jeep. In 1987, Chuck called Detroit and said, "I have enough. They can start being Your Jeeps now." And that, kids, is how the YJ was born.

2. Chuck Norris was once flipping through a JC Whitney catalog for CJ parts. Frustrated that JC Whitney could not support his offroading needs he roundhouse kicked the catalog so hard that it became the first 4wd store.
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Unread 12-06-2010, 06:32 AM   #90
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Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun
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