Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter
The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
Chuck Norris has no legs. Just two very well trained *****es.
I don't blame people for their mistakes, but I do expect they pay for them.
[B][I]Ash from Army of Darkness[/I][/B][QUOTE]Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?[/QUOTE]