The Best Chuck Norris Jokes - Page 2 -
Sign Up   Today's Posts
User: Pass: Remember?
Advertise Here
Jeep Home Jeep Forum Jeep Classifieds Jeep Registry JeepSpace Jeep Reviews Jeep Gallery Jeep Clubs Jeep Groups Jeep Videos Jeep Events Jeep Articles
Go Back > General > General Discussion > The Best Chuck Norris Jokes

The ULTIMATE "Selectable" Locker System! BroughECGS Fall Sale - 10% Off EVERYTHING!!Gear Packages Available! Your # 1 Diff Shop is ROCKRIDGE 4

Unread 10-29-2010, 05:11 PM   #16
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 1,087
Chuck Norris doesn't need a Twitter... He's already following you.

[COLOR="DarkGreen"][B][I]"Sting like a Butterfly, Punch like a Flea" - Si Robertson[/I][/B][/COLOR]
Hurley91 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 05:18 PM   #17
VegasMatt's Avatar
2008 JK Wrangler 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 250
Man I used to know a BUNCH of these a few years ago...

To help out his good friend Lance Armstrong, Chuck Norris donated one of his testicles after Lance came down with cancer. Lance went on to win multiple consecutive back-to-back Tour De France championships. By the way, Chuck Norris still has two testicles. Whether he was born with three, or simply grew another one after extensive flexing, remains an issue of contentious debate.

Once, while having relations with some babe in a semi truck, some of Chuck Norris' seed escaped and got into the engine compartment. Today, we know this truck as Optimus Prime.

And let's not forget Vin Diesel:

Every year, on his birthday, Vin Diesel chooses one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

You are what you eat. That's why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
VegasMatt is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 05:26 PM   #18
Registered User
1998 XJ Cherokee 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Orleans County, NY, New York
Posts: 152
for most men, one testicle is bigger than the other. for chuck norris, EACH testicle is larger than the other.
'98 XJ Sport- The Purple Ox (DD)
'91 XJ Briarwood - The Spruce Moose (part owner, trail rig project)
klarendonkid is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 05:30 PM   #19
Registered User
2006 TJ Wrangler 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Vancouver, Washington
Posts: 160
Let me google that for you
[B][COLOR="Navy"][CENTER]Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.[/CENTER][/COLOR][/B] [/QUOTE]
jeeper92 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 05:34 PM   #20
Registered User
2002 WJ 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: canton, ohio
Posts: 318
1997ddzj is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 05:39 PM   #21
Owner of REPOST™
vitapimp's Avatar
1998 TJ Wrangler 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 589
If you stare at the american flag long enough, a 3d image of Chuck Norris pops up.

For Chuck Norris, pimpin' is easy.

Rosa Parks refused to get up from her seat because she was saving it for chuck Norris.
<>< Member #35
Red Jeep Club Member #337

What you are is God's gift to you...
What you make of yourself is your gift to God.
Make a change. Be different.
vitapimp is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 06:32 PM   #22
Truck633's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Las Cruces, NM
Posts: 1,484
Originally Posted by jeeper92 View Post
Funniest one yet!!!!
You don't need a parachute to skydive... You need a parachute to skydive TWICE!!!

Up here - we go by results, when you preached, people slept. When he flew, people prayed.

Originally Posted by vindicated View Post
It's like dads new mistress. You hate her until you see her boobs.
Originally Posted by ionakana View Post
I bet the new bike riding monkey will pedal a lot faster!
Truck633 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 07:08 PM   #23
Registered User
2006 TJ Wrangler 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Georgetown, Indiana
Posts: 162
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

Chuck Norris divided by zero...twice.
06 Rubicon
90 Comanche Eliminator
J_Thack is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 07:15 PM   #24
Registered User
2004 TJ Wrangler 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: inside the beltway
Posts: 249
Originally Posted by J_Thack View Post

Chuck Norris divided by zero...twice.

Chuck Norris also counted to infinity...twice.
Youth is wasted on the young.
SlackJawedYokel is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 07:46 PM   #25
Registered User
1995 XJ Cherokee 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Watauga Tennessee.
Posts: 5,186
Why doesn't Chuck Norris wear a bullet proof vest?

Because his chest hair is stronger than Kevlar!

God is a Chuck Norris fearing entity!

Chuck Norris invented the matrix.

Go ahead and call him Chuckie I dare ya!

95 Cherokee SE 4.0, 5-Spd, 8.25;
6.5" Rusty's Lift, Atlas II Rims, 35x12.5x15 Wild Country,Rusty's Tube Bumper, Wilderness Rack
Rock Sliders, K&N Panel Air filter, PSC steering box,
I-ROK reinforcement kit, ORO U-TURN steering kit,Conversion Headlights/Silverstars And too much $$$
kg4kzv is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 07:50 PM   #26
Registered User
1986 MJ Comanche 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Warner Robins, Georgia, Georgia
Posts: 1,982
when Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, the mirror cracks. because no one or nothing is stupid enough to stand between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris
"Don't curse in your profile"
-The Moderators
'86 MJ XLS 4x4 2.8L 3spd longbed buckets
'12 MK Sport 2.4L AT rescue green
Nick_Knipp is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 08:54 PM   #27
Registered User
1995 YJ Wrangler 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 69
Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups, he pushes the whole world down!

Little kids wear Superman underwear. Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.

There is no theory of evolution. There is just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live!

The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris!

Last edited by Dragon5; 10-29-2010 at 09:00 PM.. Reason: Chuck Norris made me
Dragon5 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-29-2010, 10:51 PM   #28
Registered User
1999 TJ Wrangler 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Posts: 238
Nice nice, I'm liking the responses I've got one: Chuck Norris doesn't use scuba equipment.... he holds his breath
If it were easy, everyone would do it
TJLover99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-30-2010, 12:26 AM   #29
Registered User
2000 TJ Wrangler 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New England
Posts: 233
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
scavanau is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 10-30-2010, 12:34 AM   #30
Registered User
1998 TJ Wrangler 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Montana
Posts: 191
Chuck Norris eats bowling balls for breakfast

[SIZE="4"][B][COLOR="Red"]Red Jeep Club Member #552[/COLOR][/B][/SIZE][SIZE="4"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"][/SIZE][SIZE="4"][/SIZE]
MT_Ranger is offline   Reply With Quote
Thread Tools

Suggested Threads

Jeep, Wrangler, Cherokee, Grand Cherokee, and other models are copyrighted and trademarked to Jeep/Chrysler Corporation. is not in any way associated with Jeep or the Chrysler Corp.