The Best Chuck Norris Jokes - Page 2 -

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post #16 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 05:11 PM
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a Twitter... He's already following you.
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post #17 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 05:18 PM
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Man I used to know a BUNCH of these a few years ago...

To help out his good friend Lance Armstrong, Chuck Norris donated one of his testicles after Lance came down with cancer. Lance went on to win multiple consecutive back-to-back Tour De France championships. By the way, Chuck Norris still has two testicles. Whether he was born with three, or simply grew another one after extensive flexing, remains an issue of contentious debate.

Once, while having relations with some babe in a semi truck, some of Chuck Norris' seed escaped and got into the engine compartment. Today, we know this truck as Optimus Prime.

And let's not forget Vin Diesel:

Every year, on his birthday, Vin Diesel chooses one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

You are what you eat. That's why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
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post #18 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 05:26 PM
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for most men, one testicle is bigger than the other. for chuck norris, EACH testicle is larger than the other.

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post #19 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 05:30 PM
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Let me google that for you

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post #20 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 05:34 PM
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post #21 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 05:39 PM
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If you stare at the american flag long enough, a 3d image of Chuck Norris pops up.

For Chuck Norris, pimpin' is easy.

Rosa Parks refused to get up from her seat because she was saving it for chuck Norris.

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post #22 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 06:32 PM
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Originally Posted by jeeper92 View Post
Funniest one yet!!!!

You don't need a parachute to skydive... You need a parachute to skydive TWICE!!!

Up here - we go by results, when you preached, people slept. When he flew, people prayed.

Originally Posted by vindicated View Post
It's like dads new mistress. You hate her until you see her boobs.
Originally Posted by ionakana View Post
I bet the new bike riding monkey will pedal a lot faster!
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post #23 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 07:08 PM
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

Chuck Norris divided by zero...twice.

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post #24 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 07:15 PM
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Originally Posted by J_Thack View Post

Chuck Norris divided by zero...twice.

Chuck Norris also counted to infinity...twice.

Youth is wasted on the young.
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post #25 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 07:46 PM
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Why doesn't Chuck Norris wear a bullet proof vest?

Because his chest hair is stronger than Kevlar!

God is a Chuck Norris fearing entity!

Chuck Norris invented the matrix.

Go ahead and call him Chuckie I dare ya!


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post #26 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 07:50 PM
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when Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, the mirror cracks. because no one or nothing is stupid enough to stand between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris

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post #27 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 08:54 PM
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Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups, he pushes the whole world down!

Little kids wear Superman underwear. Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.

There is no theory of evolution. There is just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live!

The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris!

Last edited by Dragon5; 10-29-2010 at 09:00 PM. Reason: Chuck Norris made me
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post #28 of 111 Old 10-29-2010, 10:51 PM Thread Starter
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Nice nice, I'm liking the responses I've got one: Chuck Norris doesn't use scuba equipment.... he holds his breath

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post #29 of 111 Old 10-30-2010, 12:26 AM
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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
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post #30 of 111 Old 10-30-2010, 12:34 AM
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Chuck Norris eats bowling balls for breakfast

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