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Unread 12-15-2005, 01:22 PM   #1
Shinner
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Announcement: JF Christmas Party canceled!

Despite weeks of planning, we've had to cancel the party...the following emails tell the story:

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Members
DATE: December 10, 2005
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the forum Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our forum owner shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among members can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for members! Our forum owner will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

---------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Members
DATE: December 11, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish members. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other members who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung.

We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

---------------------


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All members
DATE: December 12, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table .. you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the supporting/lifetime members feel that $10.00 is too much money and moderators believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

---------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All members
DATE: December 13, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim members' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

---------------------

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F**king Members
DATE: December 14, 2005
RE: The F**king Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!!

We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your focking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die!

The ***** from HELL!!!!!!!!

---------------------

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 15, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the moderators have decided to cancel our Holiday Party because it's just too much of a pain in the a$$ trying to accomodate each individual's personal wishes

Happy Holidays!

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Unread 12-15-2005, 01:26 PM   #2
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What in the world???
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Unread 12-15-2005, 01:31 PM   #3
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is this for real?
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Unread 12-15-2005, 01:40 PM   #4
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yes it is, cost me 150 to cancel my flight and qccomodations.... thanks everybody





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Unread 12-15-2005, 01:59 PM   #5
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Now that was funny.
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:02 PM   #6
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I am sorry my girl caused a lot of this. She was the cross-dressing-lesbian-alcohalic-pregnant-weight-watching-Mushlim-Jew
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:04 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MugZy_YJ_94
yes it is, cost me 150 to cancel my flight and qccomodations.... thanks everybody
If I were you, I'd take 00xj54 to small claims court.
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:05 PM   #8
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seen it before but still funny. thanks for sharing.
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:05 PM   #9
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Again?

Dang.
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:06 PM   #10
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Again?

Dang.

Don't worry Blake, Shiner saved your fruitcake and will FedEx it to you.
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:07 PM   #11
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is this for real?
is ^THIS ^ for real?!
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:08 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caju21
seen it before but still funny. thanks for sharing.
aww and after all that editing I did to customize it for JF

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Originally Posted by Jon Kopczyk
Don't worry Blake, Shiner saved your fruitcake and will FedEx it to you.
It's got the Kwanzaa sauce on it too, just how he likes it!
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:10 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steelman
is ^THIS ^ for real?!
WTF man
that was a real question id never heard anything about this
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:30 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinner
It's got the Kwanzaa sauce on it too, just how he likes it!
Aww, thanks! Not everybody knows how much I love my Kwanzaa sauce.
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Unread 12-15-2005, 02:53 PM   #15
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real, fake, who gives a ... thats hilarious!!
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