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Unread 08-18-2009, 08:17 AM   #1
Fett
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Almost True Stories

Being a cubmaster I'm always looking for good stories to tell at campfires. I especially love stories that sound believable and keep the audience gripped right up to the end. So if you have one please share it.
Here is one of my favorites:

I remember the first funeral I went to as a kid. My great uncle had passed away up in Colorado. He was inconsiderate enough to pass away during one of the worst winters in recent memory. The town had just gone through an ice storm and, as luck would have it, the cemetery was up on a hill just south of town. The hearse tried for thirty minutes to get up the hill, with men behind pushing and slipping, but to no avail. So they found the largest men they could, pulled the casket out and began to carry it up the hill. Well, one fellow slipped and went to his knee and as you can guess a domino effect followed. All the men lost their balance and seemingly released the casket at the same time. The box hit the ground with a loud thud as the men lay on the ground stunned.
The casket began to slowly move and one man grabbed hold, but it was too late. It quickly picked up momentum and the man had to let go for his own sake.
As the casket picked up speed it rushed through the congregation. Folks were yelling and screaming as they jumped out of the way. It banged off the side of cars parked along the path like a pin ball. The grim toboggan kept on going, ever picking up speed. It made it to the bottom of the hill and started to cross a street when a car hit it just enough to turn it and send it right down Main Street. Chaos ensued! Mother screaming, babies crying, cars crashing into each other trying to get out of the way.
Then the casket got to the end of the street, hopped the curb and went sailing through the window of the Walgreens. It slid down the main isle and slammed into the pharmacist counter. The lid flung open, my uncle sat up, looked right at the pharmacist and said, "Hey! You got anything to stop this darn cough'n?"






Your turn.

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Unread 08-18-2009, 10:04 AM   #2
PDX_XJ
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This actually happened. You could easily change the ending though:


When I taught kindergarten, I had a few unruly students. I'm all for fun and games in the classroom, but some days the focus needs to be on the material. So, I told Daniel that if he acted out again, I was going to tickle him until he died.

Now, when you are in kindergarten, that's a serious threat. Even at a young age, kids are terrified of death. Plus, every youngster has probably been tickled to a point where they couldn't stand it anymore. But tickled to death? Was that even possible?

Sure enough, Daniel stopped acting up and sat still. He was well behaved, right up until it was time for library. The kids were lined up, their old books were in hand, and we were marching down the hall when giggling and running started.

In a serious tone, I asked. "What did I say would happen if you were bad?"

He stopped. Blank stare. "Umm..."

"That you were going to get tickled until you died, right?" Uh oh. There was an immediate look of horror on his face.

He shrieked, and tried to run, but I grabbed him and flipped him upside-down. I tickled his stomach as he thrashed and kicked and dropped his books. All of the other students were laughing and Daniel was gasping for air, when suddenly one of the girls started screaming. Of course, this made everyone else scream, too, so I stopped and looked.

Blood.

Down his face.

A lot of it.

Daniel had got a nosebleed.

Suddenly, I got very serious.

"This is a warning. You'd better be good the rest of the day, or next time I'm not going to stop."

Stunned silence from everybody.

"Let's get you cleaned up."


From that day, my whole class knew that death was a serious possibility from too much tickling. I can't imagine what those kids told their parents that night, but I can tell you that their behavior markedly improved.
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Unread 08-18-2009, 11:15 AM   #3
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While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully. He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thorn deeply embedded. As carefully and as gently as he can he removes the thorn and the elephant gingerly puts its foot down. The elephant turns to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stares at him. For a good ten minutes the man stands frozen - thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant turns and walks away.

For years after, the man often remembers and ponders the events of that day. Years later the man is walking through the zoo with his son. As they approach the elephant enclosure, one of the elephants turns and walks over to where they are standing at the rail. It stares at him and the man can't help wondering if this is the same elephant. The man climbs tentatively over the railing and makes his way into the enclosure. He walks right up to the elephant and stares back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant wraps its trunk around one of the man's legs and swings him wildly back and forth along the railing, instantly killing him.

Probably not the same elephant then.
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Unread 08-18-2009, 11:35 AM   #4
BRad704
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PDX.... surely that was a while back, cause I think in today's world, you'd be getting a new kid in class that looked a lot like an undercover cop...
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Unread 08-18-2009, 11:46 AM   #5
PDX_XJ
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It was in Korea. Totally different educational environment.
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Unread 08-18-2009, 12:11 PM   #6
BRad704
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You gave a small helpless korean child a nosebleed from excessive physical contact?!?!?! You monster!!!


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