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Unread 12-27-2009, 11:02 PM   #1
rick_rob
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Military and relationships

I know theres threads asking about relationship advice but I've read through almost all of them and haven't found any that pertain to my situation. A little back story I've only been active Army for just under two years, I started seeing a girl almost three years ago. We were good till I joined, we had our fair shares of problems and what not while i was going through basic and AIT. When i got to Fort Bragg things were looking good, we went almost 8 months with out an serious argument, to where we didn't talk before we went to bed. This last November, things went way south. I bought an engagement ring in September, as I was planning on asking her to marry me on Christmas. I even did all the right things, which was hard cause her parents are divorced I asked her dad and her mom and both gave me the go ahead. Since the middle of November and now we have hardly talked at all. I got home on leave last Saturday, since then we have hung out but nothing happened between us more then a hug. I truly love her and want to be with her, but this is were it get's hard. On the tenth of January I am going to be stationed in Honduras for a year. and Dont wanna loose touch with her and hope we can get back to where we used to be. I know there are a lot of guys on here that have served and would like to know how I can get things back to where they used to be while still being in the service.


I'm not gonna burn her house down, thats not an option.

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Unread 12-27-2009, 11:05 PM   #2
taythegibs
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burn her dog house down???





sorry i cant be of any help though
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Unread 12-27-2009, 11:18 PM   #3
elfamiglia
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Just from the title of your thread, I could say that your girlfriend is worrying about dating or even marrying someone in the military. It is a scary proposition for her giving what is going on in the Middle East. She might be afraid of staying home and constantly worrying whether you will be walking through those front doors. What if there are children involved in your future?

I would say you two need to sit down and you ask her straight out if you're being in the military is the reason for her fear. On the bright side, there are women out there who are strong enough to marry a military man!

Do let me thanks you for your service !
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Unread 12-28-2009, 06:21 AM   #4
Ross
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rick_rob View Post
I know theres threads asking about relationship advice but I've read through almost all of them and haven't found any that pertain to my situation. A little back story I've only been active Army for just under two years, I started seeing a girl almost three years ago. We were good till I joined, we had our fair shares of problems and what not while i was going through basic and AIT. When i got to Fort Bragg things were looking good, we went almost 8 months with out an serious argument, to where we didn't talk before we went to bed. This last November, things went way south. I bought an engagement ring in September, as I was planning on asking her to marry me on Christmas. I even did all the right things, which was hard cause her parents are divorced I asked her dad and her mom and both gave me the go ahead. Since the middle of November and now we have hardly talked at all. I got home on leave last Saturday, since then we have hung out but nothing happened between us more then a hug. I truly love her and want to be with her, but this is were it get's hard. On the tenth of January I am going to be stationed in Honduras for a year. and Dont wanna loose touch with her and hope we can get back to where we used to be. I know there are a lot of guys on here that have served and would like to know how I can get things back to where they used to be while still being in the service.


I'm not gonna burn her house down, thats not an option.
I am not sure how old you are but I will assume you are on the younger side. Read what I highlighted. Do you think she feels the same about things as you? Move on. This may sound harsh and suck at first but my bet is she has already moved on and you are holding on to nothing.

In Air Assault we had a term we carried over to situations like this: "cut sling load". If it isn't flying right let it go before it takes you down with it!
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Unread 12-28-2009, 06:59 AM   #5
rentalguy1
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Jody seems to have interfered. Time for you to pop smoke. DOn't go away mad, just go away. Thanks for your service, and enjoy Honduras!
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Unread 12-28-2009, 07:40 AM   #6
hansonian
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I'd ask her straight up what she's looking for and if it isn't inline with your plan it's probably time to let this one go and move on.

What do you have against burning houses down?
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Unread 12-28-2009, 07:47 AM   #7
MasterCujo
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HONDURAS??

Dude, once issues clear up down there and the restrictions are lifted, the LAST thing you are going to be thinking about is that chick...
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Unread 12-28-2009, 07:49 AM   #8
jeepbumm68
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Hey Bud i went through the same thing with my girl. When i was in basic and AIT there were tons of problems. But, you know while i was gone, she stayed faithful and never did anything. She actually grew up too. The hardest part about having a loved one in the military(father has been in 22yrs), is that you never really do see them. A lot of people just cannot handle it. And in your situation i am going to have to agree with some of the other post, I think she has moved on and found herself someone else while you were gone. Still, it does not hurt to sit her down, either just you two, or with parents there, and ask her if she has been faithful or if she has moved on. It is hard to do but, hell even guys in my unit have had to do it and most of them have had 15yrs in.

Good luck, with what you do.

Your lucky, I am going to play in hot sand ha ha
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Unread 12-28-2009, 07:50 AM   #9
Deezelweazel
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Sorry to hear that, comrade. I'm in the military now for 15 years. The story you told us is very similar to mine. Repeated times.
It's fact that deployement is a serious relationship killer.
If you can't talk to her- get professinal help. It's time to, before it's going worse.
Had the same feelings and all that. But I'm a man. And man act different. So get help. Fast!
Talk to her, about your feelings and thoughts. Don't say: I will do it tomorrow- DO IT NOW!

Clear the front to know if it's worth to fight for her!
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Unread 12-28-2009, 10:06 AM   #10
rick_rob
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Thanks for the advice. I am young just shy of 22. I am almost positive there isn't another guy involved, As her and my families have been close friends since before I was born, I know that don't mean much but either her sister or her mom would say something to me about and stop telling me to get back with her. Me and her met this morning for breakfast and talked about a lot of things, and the biggest thing that is bothering her is that I'm going to Honduras, she was fine with it at first. I talked it over with her before I signed again. But I'll see how it goes till I leave.


taythegibs theres to much snow were im at to start a fire outside.
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Unread 12-28-2009, 10:57 AM   #11
elfamiglia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rick_rob View Post
Thanks for the advice. I am young just shy of 22. I am almost positive there isn't another guy involved, As her and my families have been close friends since before I was born, I know that don't mean much but either her sister or her mom would say something to me about and stop telling me to get back with her. Me and her met this morning for breakfast and talked about a lot of things, and the biggest thing that is bothering her is that I'm going to Honduras, she was fine with it at first. I talked it over with her before I signed again. But I'll see how it goes till I leave.


taythegibs theres to much snow were im at to start a fire outside.
If you two are still serious, talk to another military family especially the wife/girlfriend and get some advise. Military families are very close-knit. Good luck!
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Unread 12-28-2009, 11:35 AM   #12
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I have to give the same advice. I dated the same girl my entire senior year and through the summer before I left for basic. When I returned four months later she was polite but not the same enthusiastic (read horny) girl I left. When I finally asked her point blank what the problem was she started the sentence with "Well you were gone four months and..."

Being Jr. enlisted and married sucks. Period. Wait until you make at least E4, if not E5 so you have some hope of getting decent housing and being together, or of getting her housing on post with other military wives around her for support.

My wife and I were both active duty with comparable jobs, so it made life easy for us, but we still spent time apart for TDY's and deployments.
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Unread 12-28-2009, 12:10 PM   #13
InfantryWS6
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It is over, move on. When I enlisted my girlfriend started seeing my "best friend" while at basic. After becoming an officer I married my first wife, she moved to California with me and all was good until I deployed. Once I deployed she started screwing everything on post including my PSG. Got married again in September, the girl knew I was PCSing in the October time frame since the first week I met her and knew I was going to Afghanistan soon after. I even had discussions while dating her about how hard it would be for us to be together since I am in the Army. Her response was that she could handle it and got mad at me because I didn't think she could handle it. 6 days after getting married I get a text that she can't move to Arizona with me, she refuses to leave Cincinnati, and refuses to talk about it. So $3000 later I am divorced again because of a woman who can't handle me deploying even though she asked to move with me the day I got my PCS orders. If she already can't handle the separation there is no chance and it sounds like she has moved on. I know it is not what you want to hear but unfortunately I have way too much experience with this stuff
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Unread 12-28-2009, 12:47 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rick_rob View Post
This last November, things went way south. I bought an engagement ring in September, as I was planning on asking her to marry me on Christmas. I even did all the right things, which was hard cause her parents are divorced I asked her dad and her mom and both gave me the go ahead. Since the middle of November and now we have hardly talked at all. I got home on leave last Saturday, since then we have hung out but nothing happened between us more then a hug. I truly love her and want to be with her, but this is were it get's hard. On the tenth of January I am going to be stationed in Honduras for a year. and don't wanna lose touch with her and hope we can get back to where we used to be. I know there are a lot of guys on here that have served and would like to know how I can get things back to where they used to be while still being in the service.

According to this you don't have a relationship anymore..at least in her mind. I hate to say it, but it's pretty much over. You have to face facts here. You've got your mind set on getting engaged and marrying this girl but she's obviously not feeling the same way. It's time to wake up and smell the coffee on this one...

Years ago I was engaged to be married to my boyfriend of seven years. All throughout my senior year in high school and college we dated and after graduation we moved in together and got engaged. By the time the wedding date loomed the relationship was about the same as the one you've described as having. We barely talked to each other, we spent most time apart and never mind about being intimate. I wasn't even excited about getting married. It was all wrong.

No one was in the military but the spark was gone. We were little more than room mates. He had the guts to call it off and it's the best thing he could've done. We remained friends for years. He was a good guy but whatever we had between us had changed and dissolved. About a year later, I started dating my old friend who just "happened" to be in the Navy. We got serious, and I moved in with him and we got engaged. I put up with all whole deployment thing and our relationship was just fine through it all, even though I HATED the military life. He was enlisted for six years and planned to leave as soon as the enlistment was up (this was back in the peaceful '80s).

We got married while he had almost a year left and had to separate so that I could move back to our hometown and start up our business in NJ while he remained in Virginia Beach. I would drive down once a month and stay with him for a week out of each month... so we only saw each other about 10 days each month for the first 9 months of our marriage. Through all that the relationship held up. My point is, if the relationship is good to start, it'll be fine..But if the relationship is bad then it's pretty much cooked and the stress of military life will kill it for sure. A year in Honduras isn't going to do anything to help your present situation, especially when it's quite clear that your going into the military might've made a bad situation worse..but it sounds like it was turning bad to begin with. Enlisting just hastened the process.

You need to get your priorities straight here. You signed up for the army and now you have to dedicate yourself entirely to it..The military demands and accepts nothing less. You are now married to the military. That's how it is and anyone who dates and/or marries you has to realize and accept that fact. It sounds like that's not something your girlfriend wants to accept. Your best bet now is to just face reality and realize that it's over and do what needs to be done. It's time to let her go and move on, but most of all, let her move on. It will be painful but in the end it's the best thing that you can do.

Sorry, harsh words but it's the way I see it after reading your post.
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Unread 12-28-2009, 01:02 PM   #15
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You know the answer...JODY!!!

Sucks to hear man. I would let it go until you get back from Honduras. Maybe she'll miss you maybe she won't but it would be better to let it go, that way instead of asking her to marry you now and being rejected.

You seriously need to sit down and talk to this girl about your relationship and establish how you both feel about each other. It's important that you don't go away for a year with such a bad taste in your mouth.
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