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Unread 07-01-2005, 09:44 PM   #1
U.S.MarineLJ
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Anybody in the military have any sea stories?

Just looking for some amusing stories related to your military service. You know like in Readers Digest, (Humor in Uniform) or for you Marines that are familier with the "Green Side Out" series. Stuff like that.

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Unread 07-02-2005, 12:04 AM   #2
creature
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I'm not a military man myself, but these stories are amusing

http://www.soupsandwich.net/stories.html

"Chez Ranger" is my favorite.
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Unread 07-02-2005, 01:51 AM   #3
Roll Tide
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I found a diary like thing about a guy in the army in afghansitan. Seems he made it his duty to drive the command nuts. Things like standing watch in a dress, keeping a blowup sheep with him at all times. He wasn't really an *** about it, just having some fun. Seems the command kind of let him run with it to break the boredom. I'll see if I can find the link. ahh here we go skippy's list of things he can no longer do

Last edited by Roll Tide; 07-02-2005 at 02:09 AM..
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Unread 07-02-2005, 04:58 AM   #4
nomad6
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uh

i had a 1sgt who was trying to explain to us how some people would cut out the pockets in their bdu's to save weight for a manditory road march. not only did he not make sense but he held up a pair of his own pants to show us and turned them inside out in front of all his nco's only to reveal 6 inches of his own brown skid marks. thats something i would have expected a cherry 2Lt to do.
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Unread 07-02-2005, 09:42 AM   #5
Ross
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When I was in Kosovo we took our R&R in Sophia, Bulgaria. The elavator doors in the hotel are narrow and open and close fast and hard. As the night got later, and people drank more and more, it got harder and harder to get into the elevator. It was fun just watching people trying to get into the elevator.

I guess you had to been there.
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Unread 07-02-2005, 09:45 AM   #6
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That skippy link was some funny -=-=-=-=! I'm going to try that blue food coloring thing before the next urinalysis.
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Unread 07-02-2005, 12:51 PM   #7
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some fav's

(Submitted by J. Lidman)

Do not attempt to communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics.

Submitted by Gensuke Farseer)

American soldiers do not "consume the flesh of their fallen enemies to gain their strength."

(Submitted by Mike Cabera)

At the grenade launcher range, do not yell "M-203, I choose you!"

81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

my favorite of the whole list!
210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
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Unread 07-02-2005, 03:39 PM   #8
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I had a friend with a really long german name, so we would call him Guke, since that was the start.

When the Veitnamese Dignitary is on board doing a tour, do NOT yell your German friend's shortened nickname out at him, even if he is far away.

39 pages of some stories from my old ship, most are not suitable for anybody to read. Most people probably won't understand some of the lingo, but it is funny for those who do.
http://www.mooj.com/rxdept.htm

Most of my stories involve criminal acts unsuitable for someone who is still in today's navy. But stuff I did when I was a lot younger and less afraid of losing pay.
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Last edited by wile_e_mopar; 07-02-2005 at 04:08 PM..
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Unread 07-02-2005, 05:23 PM   #9
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While I was stationed at Camp Fuji Japan there was little to do during the week except go to the road house (E-Club) and drink yourself into oblivian. On the weekends we made our pilgramege down to Tokyo, the best city on earth if you ask me. Most of the NCOs were in the E-club drinking and having a good time, Sgt. T decided to put one of those red plastic popcorn baskets on his head. Everyone was just goofing around. At this point the MPs walked in and one a boot LCpls told Sgt. T to take the plastic basket off his head or he would have to leave the E-Club to which Sgt. T quickly replied with a F*** you! and carried on. It was just the typical case of an MP getting off on what little perceived power they have. Anyways the Marines carried on drinking and Sgt T continued to do so with the plastic basket on his head, much to the dismay of the boot LCpl. This story was related to me by Sgt. T the next day. "I hate that motherfu@@@@ing LCpl, I ought a beat his fu**** ***!" Now keep in mind Sgt. T was from Rhode Island and had a thick accent and was a self described guinea, whop, or guinea bastard as he liked to say. So the week ends and we head to Tokyo, Roppongi and who does Sgt. T see getting pushed around by some Japanese guy, LCpl, smack *** the MP that was being a prick during the week. This was at the top of a set of stairs to a basement club known as "the hideout" There were several stairs with a platform in the middle and then several more stairs cutting back as the enterance to the club was about two stories below ground. Good old Sgt. T noticing that the Marine was three sheets to the wind and about to get his *** handed to him by some Japanese fellow quickly interceded. HEY FUKAA, THATS MY MARINE YOU BETTA STOP PUSHING HIM, I'M NOT TELLIN YOU AGAIN YOU MUTHA FUKKA! Well the Japanese man didn't stop, so good old Sgt. T quickly picked him up in one swoop and threw him over the railing where he landed on his back at the bottom of two flights of stairs! The little Japanese man was groaning and writhing on the ground. The bouncer of the club that we frequented looked out of the door and told Sgt. T you better get out of here as the JPs (Japanese Police) were coming. Sgt. T. Beat a hasty retreat and returned next weekend. The moral of the story is a Marine will still fight for another Marine even if he doesn't like him. Sufficed to say Sgt. T. was never hastled again by the young LCpl.

Now how did the Marine get in such a perdicament? He was putting the moves on this guys GF, and the GF didn't really seem to mind, but her boyfriend did!
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Unread 07-02-2005, 06:59 PM   #10
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Nope, not going to put myself out there. What has happened overseas, stays overseas.
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Unread 07-02-2005, 07:09 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lurch77
Nope, not going to put myself out there. What has happened overseas, stays overseas.
Yeah I have some stories too but as I'm still in and subject to the UCMJ so I will remain mute on some of the more colorful stories, haha. You could change the names of the guilty to protect their identity! haha.
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Unread 07-02-2005, 07:17 PM   #12
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My old man was a navigational system mechanic on Nuke-Subs and destoyers, and he tells me so many funny stories about jokes they played on each other.

He welded a guys tool-box to the deck of a ship!

He put mineral oil in some guys coffee to give him the sh!ts

Him and some other guys would secretly hook up someones tool to a power source so that if they grabbed it, they would get a good shock!

But by far the funniest stuff was about the bathrooms in a submarine, cuz he said on the old ones there were all these dials and knobs you had to push in the right order so that the pressure would be right to drain the nasty stuff. Well, if you did it wrong, it would all spray up into your face. There was a new guy on board that my old man didnt like, so he showed him the wrong way to use the toilet. Well, i guess it worked cuz the guy came out of the latrine covered in watery ***** !!!!!!!!
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Unread 07-02-2005, 07:30 PM   #13
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two other quick ones about me,

i wasnt in military, but when i first started logging i wasnt too hot with a chainsaw. well, i threw the chain once (which means it came off) and i was having touble getting it back on. Well, this burly logger guy says, "Lemmy get that for you. Just take your lunch." So I took my lunch with the others, and i start to notice a couple of the guys sort of talking and looking at me. Well, after lunch i go to start limbing some logs and my saw isnt cutting at all! I look over at the guys who are just staring at me, sort of grinning. They say,
"you gotta give it more gas!!"
So i gun the throttle, but my STIHL 044 wont even cut a branch. I looked over again and they're all laughing at me, and i still cant figure out why i cant cut anything! Turns out, the guy put my chain on backwards and told everyone to watch how bad i was at cutting!!!!

Another time, they told me that it was impossible to chop the same place 3 times with an ax and your eyes closed. In order to do it right, i had to take off my gloves and be blindfolded. Well, I was pretty confident that i could chop the same spot three times, since i had done it plenty of times with my eyes open, so i took the bet. Well, after three chops i took off the blindfold to find my gloves chopped to pieces and everyone laughing it up. I still have the gloves cuz i thought it was so funny, but it sucked not having gloves that day.
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Unread 07-02-2005, 08:03 PM   #14
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The chopping of your gloves sounds like E-Tool qualification. It's basically the same thing, you take an E-Tool and blindfold the Marine, then put a quarter on the stump and tell him to try to whack it. Well you take his cover and put it on the stump and whacks away, the whole time destroying his cover.

Here is another one I have never done but one of my DIs told us about it. The impossible situp. You take a boot (new Marine) and blindfold him and then tell him he has to do a situp with someone pushing on his chest, if he can do it he is the man or in the club. Anyways the Marine starts pushing with all his might and you get the nastiest Marine and have him straddle the Marines face and drop trou, at this point the Marine doing the situp gets a face full of ***! I have never done this, or had it done but our DI gave us a heads up before we graduated bootcamp as he witnessed it back in the day. "whatever they tell you don't do the impossible situp!"
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Unread 07-02-2005, 08:22 PM   #15
sizzle-chest
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that impossible situp is awsome!!! have you heard of the 4-4-40? You bet someone they cant drink 4 quarts of water in 4 minutes and hold it down for 40 seconds. Someone will always take the bet, and everyone who does will loose there lunch, I gaurantee it!
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