Sorry it took so long to respond to "What did they do?".
Dealer #2 followed the FSM trouble shooting process.
As told by the tech, "When the DRB tool was hooked up, I got a "no communications" message. I followed the "No communications trouble shooting" section. Found a dirty connector at the airbag module. If any connections are loose or dirty, this will cause a no communications message, and no programming can be done. DRB cannot talk to the ECM. Connector cleaned, DRB talks, programming and reinstall of pieces took about 10 minutes".
The FSM describes how to install a SKIM system with programming. As described in the OP writeup, it is really easy. The tech just has to read that section. The harder part is getting the service writer to understand it can be done.
At this dealer (Bill Boruff - Sparta, Tennessee) the Service Manager understands the product, and was "hands on" supporting the tech. Even though they are about a 1 hour drive from my house, they will get my business.
Jean - Wonderful wife
2003 Toyota Sequoia
2005 FA64 (aka LJ) Khaki
Heidi - Golden Retriever/Jeep Dog